Unrequited Alice Read online

  Unrequited Alice

  Sarah Louise Smith

  Copyright © 2016 by Sarah Louise Smith

  Photography: Shutterstock - ladyfortune

  Editor: Jeff Gardiner

  Design: Crooked Cat

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author or Crooked Cat except for brief quotations used for promotion or in reviews. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

  First Red Line Edition, Crooked Cat Books 2017

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  For my Nan, Doreen

  Thank you for your endless support and love

  Also, in loving memory of:

  Bette, Fred, Les, and Jim x

  About the Author

  Sarah Louise Smith is a best-selling British Chick Lit Author, who loves romantic comedies with happy endings.

  She lives in Milton Keynes, UK, with her husband, step-daughter, a cheeky cat and two goofy dogs.

  When she’s not reading, or writing, she enjoys walking with her dogs, travelling, cooking, and watching too much TV.

  Find her on social media. She’d love to hear from you:

  Twitter @sarahsmith16

  Facebook /sarahlouisesmithauthor

  Visit sarahlouisesmith.com

  Also by Sarah Louise Smith:

  Amy & Zach

  Izzy’s Cold Feet

  Independent Jenny

  The Truth About Ellen

  Acknowledgements

  Big massive thanks to the following people:

  You – yes you! – Reader, for buying this book. I hope you enjoy Alice’s story. Please come and chat to me on social media, I love hearing from you.

  All my family and friends for being totally awesome, supportive and making life more fun.

  Laurence and Steph of Crooked Cat for all that you do, and Jeff, my brilliant editor - this book is all the better for your help, as always.

  Nathaniel, Chloe, Amber, Poppy and Arwen… thank you for your love day in, day out. I’m very lucky to live with such amazing creatures.

  Sarah Louise Smith

  Unrequited Alice

  Chapter One

  I stared at my suitcase, contemplating the following three facts:

  1. After months of planning, it was finally time for Hannah’s hen weekend.

  2. In just one more month, she’d be getting married to Ed.

  3. I really had to fall out of love with Ed before the wedding.

  These facts were not new to me. Of course, it had never been intentional; Hannah and I had been friends since primary school and the last thing I’d ever expected was to fall for her fiancé. I had tried really, really hard to get over him. But whenever I saw him, I was right back there, my heart beating a little faster, my thoughts swirling, wondering what it’d be like if, just once, I could touch him or kiss him, or be in Hannah’s shoes for one short moment.

  I hated myself for it. If there was one thing I could change about myself, it’d be my feelings for Ed. I was far less concerned about my slightly too long and weird little toe. I could cope with the eczema that occasionally flared up on the back of my left knee. My overly-frizzy hair, and my tendency to obsess over everything were annoying, as was the growing chunkiness of my thighs … but I could cope with all those things. I couldn’t cope with being in unrequited love.

  With a big sigh, I pulled my suitcase out of my room and down the stairs. My housemates, Penny and Miranda, were eating cereal in their pyjamas in the living room.

  “Right, I think I’m ready, but far too early. Taxi won’t be here for ages,” I told them, smiling. Despite the fact that this weekend was to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of my oldest friend to the man I loved, I was surprisingly looking forward to the trip. Maybe the roar of Niagara Falls would shake some sense into me.

  “Passport?” Penny asked me.

  “In my handbag, I think,” I said, opening it for the third time to check. Funnily enough, it hadn’t grown legs and wandered off.

  “Condoms?” Miranda asked next.

  I laughed. “No plans to get laid.”

  “You really need to,” Penny told me. “It’s been, what, six months since you moved in here, and I’ve yet to see you go on a date.”

  “Maybe she’s still getting over Paul,” Miranda told her.

  As if! I hadn’t thought about him much in ages.

  Penny gave me a warm smile. I’d never told her how I felt about Ed but I was pretty sure she guessed as every time I mentioned him she raised an eyebrow.

  “She’s ready for someone new, I reckon.”

  “Go shag some cute Canadian,” Miranda giggled. She reached for her handbag.

  “I’ll try,” I told them, with no intention to do anything of the sort. I wasn’t really a one-night-stand kind of girl.

  Miranda passed me something from her bag: a chunky handful of condoms.

  “Wow, thanks,” I told her, rolling my eyes. I shoved them into my bag, knowing there was little chance I’d even want to use them, let alone get the opportunity.

  “How many of you are going again?” Penny asked.

  “Five of us,” I told them, picturing the other girls. “Hannah, me, and three other bridesmaids.”

  “You’re going to have a blast, I’m so jealous!” Miranda said through a disgusting mouthful of Cheerios.

  I liked Miranda, but living with her had been challenging; she was a bit of a slob, and always spoke with her mouth full. By contrast, I was a bit of an OCD, germ-phobic, domestic goddess (or so I liked to think).

  “Me too. So, so jealous!” Penny agreed. “Text us and keep us updated on how it’s going. I want to see photos.”

  “I will.”

  Miranda got up. “I’m going to get dressed,” she said, practically throwing her cereal bowl in the sink and racing off up the stairs. I got myself a glass of water and went and sat down on the sofa in the living room.

  “You okay?” Penny asked, slumping down opposite me.

  “Yeah, I’m good.”

  “Can’t believe the wedding has come around so fast. Doesn’t feel that long ago you first told me about it.”

  “I know. Time flies.”

  “How did Hannah and Ed meet?” she asked me, biting her lip, and I considered again that she suspected how I felt.

  “At university. They went travelling together after they graduated, then they bought a house together. They were always going to get married, it was inevitable.”

  I hadn’t been surprised when they got engaged, but it had somehow intensified my feelings. It had made me realise that he’d never, ever be mine.

  “And do you like him?”

  I felt my eyes shoot up and look at her directly. My cheeks flushed.

  “Of course,” I said, trying to look as calm as I could when talking about the man I secretly loved. “Ed is the sort of guy anyone would like. He is kind and thoughtful, and really romantic, he takes Hannah on dates, buys her little gifts, and he makes the effort to get to know her friends, you know? Asks questions, takes an interest.”

  Penny nodded. “He sounds nice.”

  He was nice. The nicest man I knew. But no matter how much I wished it were different, Ed was in love with Hannah. And they were going to get married. Every time I thought abou
t it, I felt my insides ache with sadness.

  In truth, I’d already spent too much time thinking about Ed; wishing I had met him first, and what I would say to him if I could. He had no idea of the suffering he’d involuntarily caused; no idea how I was just there, being a friend to him for all these years, wishing it was more.

  And yet I loved Hannah, too. She was my oldest friend. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. I wanted her to be happy. When Hannah asked me to be her chief bridesmaid / maid of honour / “whatever we’re calling it these days”, I was honoured, thrilled, excited. But that meant spending more and more time with them both as we set about planning the wedding, and the more time I spent with Ed, the worse I felt. Now, I was pretty much at my lowest point.

  “You’re day-dreaming,” Penny said, bringing me back to the moment.

  I smiled at her. “Sorry, just thinking about the trip.”

  She nodded. “So you’ve been friends with Ed all these years, too, I guess?”

  I both loved her for being so perceptive, and hated her for forcing me to talk about this.

  “I first met him at Hannah’s twenty-first, so yes, we’ve been friends a long time too.”

  I’d felt attracted to him immediately. And I’d spent most of that time contemplating what a terrible friend I was. I’d had boyfriends in that time of course. There was Mark, handsome but kinda dim. A handful of guys I’d dated for a few months at a time. And Paul, who I lived with for over a year. I guess I didn’t feel so strongly about Ed during my time with Paul, who served as a good distraction. Things were going pretty well for a while … until he met a girl at work and ditched me.

  The weekend after Paul dumped me, I went to visit Hannah and sat sobbing on her sofa, Ed with his arm around me, Hannah preparing me a glass of wine, and I remember thinking, Paul has hurt me and I care about him a lot … but he is nothing compared to Ed. My feelings for Ed were so much more intense than they ever were for Paul.

  And now I was going to watch him marry Hannah.

  This had to stop.

  I had to move on.

  I looked up and saw Penny was watching me.

  “I’m really looking forward to the wedding,” I told her, wishing it were true. “And this weekend is going to be amazing.”

  She nodded and smiled at me.

  I was tempted to tell her. Maybe I’d feel better if I just admitted it.

  I opened my mouth to speak, to try and find the words that might give me some relief, when the sound of the taxi horn made me jump.

  “Have an amazing time!” Penny stood up and gave me a big hug.

  “Go wild, be reckless,” Miranda told me, running down the stairs again to peck me on the cheek as I pulled my case into the hall. I resisted the urge to wipe the toothpaste dribble she’d deposited on my skin. I was grateful for them both. Coming home to their cheery faces every day had probably prevented me from living on ice cream and tears ever since I moved in.

  “Thank you.” I grinned at them, genuinely excited for my first trip in a long time, then pulled my suitcase out onto the street and into the waiting taxi.

  Maybe Miranda was right. Maybe I did need a quick fling. Or a new boyfriend, even. Hell, why not fall madly, hopelessly in love with the next man I saw? Not the taxi driver, obviously, he was way too old. And his efforts at making conversation about London roads and the weather were a little boring.

  At Heathrow, I stepped out of the taxi and the first man I saw was Ed. Of course it would be. He was walking out of the terminal, no doubt having just dropped Hannah and her other friends off.

  “Alice!” he said, sweeping me into a big hug. As usual, he smelt really good. Stupid pheromones.

  “Hey, Ed.”

  “Great planning on this, Hannah’s so excited. Well done.” He smiled at me and squeezed my arm. I looked into his blue eyes and tried really very hard not to melt at his feet.

  “Thanks. I’m excited too.”

  “Well, I better let you get to it then; they’ve just gone in.”

  I nodded, we said goodbye, and I went in search of Hannah, feeling elated and sad at the same time. I couldn’t go on like this, feeling this way every time I saw him. I was going to get over him. I had to. I was going to enjoy this trip. And forget all about my inappropriate feelings once and for all.

  This weekend was going to be epic, and I was pretty impressed with myself for organizing it. Hannah had always wanted to go to Niagara Falls, I even remember her mentioning it when we were in Mrs. Quinn’s home economics class back in year 9.

  Hannah didn’t like anything corny or clichéd, and she wouldn’t want a big fuss to be made of her. She’d be mortified if I’d taken her to some beach resort with a load of bars and hung a pink sash around her neck. We were going for a sophisticated, sightseeing, relaxing long weekend. We’d walk about town, sip coffees, go to a spa, gaze out at Niagara Falls, laugh, drink cocktails, and eat good food. She’d love it. Or, she’d better, given all the time and money I’d put into it.

  I marched through the airport and spotted Hannah, standing on her own with a group of suitcases, her red hair cascading beautifully around her shoulders just like it had on the day I met her, age 4, in the playground outside our first school. I looked at the engagement ring on her hand as I walked towards her, and felt an overwhelming sense of happiness for her. I loved her, and she deserved someone amazing like Ed; she deserved to be happy. I was going to be the best bridesmaid on the planet, even if it broke my heart.

  Her green eyes spotted me walking towards her, and her mouth broke into a wide grin. Since I’d moved away from our home town to London we’d only seen each other a few times a year, but we always fell easily into conversation, laughing like we had never been apart. And lately, I’d got to enjoy regular trips to visit her and help with wedding planning. Well, I’d enjoyed the time with her. Not so much the talk about her fiancé, or seeing him so regularly.

  She held out her arms as I reached her and gave her a tight hug.

  “I can’t believe it’s my hen already!” she squealed in my ear, bouncing a little. “I’m so excited, thank you for arranging this.”

  “My pleasure, and I’m excited too.”

  And I wasn’t even lying.

  “Ruth and Sally have gone to find out where our check-in desk is. Oh look, there’s Molly.”

  I turned to see Ed’s sister walking towards us. I’d met her a couple of times. Hannah had arranged a lunch for all of her bridesmaids when she first got engaged, and we’d had a few dress fittings together. She was quiet, but then so was I when around Hannah’s other friends. She gave Hannah a big hug and then me a quick one, too.

  Ruth and Sally appeared, with more quick hugs and directions about where we had to go. I was Hannah’s oldest friend, but they were probably her best friends in more recent years. They all lived in the same neighbourhood and saw each other all the time. I liked them, but I always felt a little left out when they were around; I wasn’t part of their circle.

  “Niagara, baby!” squealed Sally as she started to roll her suitcase towards luggage check in.

  “I know! Wow!” Hannah linked her arm through mine. “Come on, ladies!”

  I find it fascinating, moving through security at an airport. So many people, going to so many places. The way we queue up and put our stuff in those plastic trays, slowly moving through the motions, herded like sheep. I placed my handbag and belt in my tray, walked through the scanner, and then watched in horror as the Security Scanner Lady (her official title, I’m sure), took my bag, and pulled out the handful of condoms.

  “Planning to have a lot of sex in Canada?” Sally asked me, howling with laughter.

  “My housemate gave them to me as I was leaving,” I told her. “I took them to keep her happy, but I doubt I’ll get that lucky.”

  “Well, let’s hope you do!” Ruth said, laughing. “Might have to borrow some if I get lucky too!”

  I tried to giggle along, still mortified at the nice l
ittle pile sitting beside my bag as it was rummaged through.

  “Is everything okay?” Hannah called out.

  The Security Scanner Lady held up a pen. “Couldn’t see what this was. You’re fine to go.”

  She put my pen, purse and the wedge of condoms back into my bag.

  “Have a great trip,” she told me, and I wondered with a red face if she thought the condoms were for some sort of Mile High Club fantasy I intended to act out with as many men as possible on the flight over. Maybe there was a world record I intended to beat. I shuddered at the thought.

  “What was that about?” Molly asked, coming through the scanner.

  “Alice is planning to have a lot of fun on this trip,” Ruth told her, giggling. I just smiled and checked I still had my boarding pass.

  After a lot of duty-free browsing, we found seats near our departure gate. Hannah and the others were gossiping about a mutual friend of theirs, while Molly and I gazed out at our plane.

  “You all right?” Hannah asked me.

  “Yes!” I said, smiling at her. “I can’t wait to get there.”

  “You sure? You don’t seem quite yourself.”

  Holy crap on a stick, was I being paranoid or did she suspect?

  “Of course, just tired. I’ll rest on the flight.”

  She smiled and squeezed my arm, then turned back to continue chatting with the others. Okay, maybe I was just paranoid.

  Soon, we were flying over the Atlantic. Hannah was in the seat beside mine, chatting about all the wedding plans. Somehow she’d managed to avoid too many bridezilla moments so far, and for that I was grateful.

  “…and so when we get back we need to write the place cards, prep the favours, and get the music on a CD for the ceremony,” she told me.

  “Whatever help you need, just let me know,” I told her.