Unrequited Alice Read online

  “Thank you, hun, you’re a star.”

  She put her earphones in and closed her eyes. I watched her dozing, content in her little bride-to-be bubble.

  I was pretty sure I was genuinely happy for Hannah, and I was looking forward to her big day and all the Prosecco and dancing and wearing my really very lovely purple dress … even though the thought of her standing at the altar with Ed made me feel like stabbing myself in the heart with my plastic aeroplane fork.

  It was a clear, bright day, and after a while the view of the ocean beneath us turned into a view of Canada. Although I’d lived in the UK since I was four years old, I was born in California and I have a US passport. I’d spent most summers as a kid visiting my aunt in New York, wishing I’d been brought up there. We’d often talked about a road trip to Canada, but had never quite made it.

  Hannah was buzzing, drinking coffee with her other friends, and happily chatting about Ed, the wedding, and the next few days.

  “Have you ever been to Canada or America before?” Molly asked, talking to me for the first time. I’d almost forgotten she was sitting in front of me.

  “Lots when I was a kid, but not for about ten years,” I told her. “How about you?”

  “Never,” she said wistfully. “I’d particularly like to go to New York.”

  “It’s a great city,” I told her.

  “Oh yes, I think Hannah mentioned you have family out here?”

  “Yes, my aunt, uncle and cousin.”

  I had originally planned on calling Aunt Kerry, asking if I could come stay for a visit on my way back home for a few days, but I couldn’t get the extra time off work. She’d be very disappointed if she knew I was so close, but hadn’t come to see her.

  “I’m excited about Canada, too,” Molly told me. “I can’t wait to see Niagara Falls.”

  “Me too, never been.”

  “So do you have a boyfriend back home?”

  “No,” I said, thinking of Ed yet again. “You?”

  “Yeah, Howard. We’re moving in together when I get back.”

  “Congratulations.”

  She smiled and turned around again, our small talk over for now.

  Maybe Penny and Miranda were right; I needed to find someone. Maybe I could join one of those dating websites when I got back. Or just go out more. Maybe I could meet someone at the wedding. Maybe Ed had some nice friends I’d never met before.

  Why was this bothering me so much? Marriage was just a piece of paper. Nothing would be different to before – not for me anyway. I had to forget about Ed and move on.

  The trouble was, I’d been telling myself this for years…

  Chapter Two

  The taxi ride from Toronto airport to Niagara took about an hour. I forced myself to join in with the others, talking about the wedding and our trip, smiling and laughing.

  This trip was costing me a lot of money. It was my first time in Canada, and I was determined that I was going to have fun, despite my sadness about the wedding itself.

  I caught my first glimpse of Niagara Falls and felt my jaw drop a little. Over two million litres of water a second, cascading down over the Horseshoe Falls with a magnificent force. There was something rather surreal and magical about it.

  I elbowed Hannah beside me and she and the others turned to look just as the falls went out of view again. We passed restaurants and bars, casinos and gift shops, and finally we pulled up outside our hotel.

  I could just about hear the roar of the water over the giggling from the others as we made our way into the lobby and checked in.

  “Come see this, girls!” Ruth called as we got the last of our room keys. Opposite the lobby was a bar and restaurant, with floor to ceiling windows, and a pretty amazing view of Niagara Falls. We stood in a row, our luggage beside us, silent, taking it in.

  “Wow,” I said eventually.

  “Just … beautiful,” Hannah said, smiling. “I’ve always wanted to see the falls, and they totally live up to, and exceed, my expectations! Stunning.”

  The elevator had a huge mirror, and Sally took a photo of us all in it on her phone. One by one, they all got out, and I was last. Sixteenth floor.

  I made my way to my room, opened the door, dropped my bag, and went to the window. I had an even better view of the falls from up here, the white mist was rising slowly, casting a faint rainbow. Across the water I could see people standing looking at the water from the other side, and I realised that was the USA – Canada is one side, the US on the other. I looked out to the Niagara River, stretching in the distance as far as the eye could see, its key job to deliver water to the falls. I imagined Hannah looking out from her room a floor below, and hoped I’d met the brief.

  Yes, I did make a great bridesmaid, thank you very much. Let’s just forget the fact that I was in love with the groom.

  I opened the window a little to hear their enormous roar, and stared out, mesmerised for a few seconds, before a knock at the door made me jump.

  I ran to open it and found Hannah’s green eyes all lit up, her huge grin beaming at me.

  “I couldn’t remember if you said 1605 or 1615, so I just knocked on some random dude’s room. He was in a dressing grown and I just smiled and walked away!”

  I laughed. “He probably thought it was his lucky day.”

  She squeezed my shoulders and then pushed past me to run to the window. I joined her.

  “It’s amazing, thank you, hun,” she said, putting her arm around my shoulders and squeezing me again.

  “I can’t stop looking at it,” I admitted.

  “I know, I had to drag myself away. My room is just as good. Beautiful.”

  We stood there staring in silence for a few more minutes.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? I mean, are you happy?” she asked, not turning away from the view.

  “Yes, of course.”

  “I didn’t want to talk about it at the airport, with the others around, but it’s just, whenever we’ve spoken over the past month or two, you’ve been quiet. Not your usual self.”

  Crap. Was I really that obvious?

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “Even Ed noticed.”

  “He did?”

  “Is everything alright? Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shrugged. “There’s nothing, honestly. I’m great.”

  She turned away from the water to face me. I tried hard to look her in the eyes.

  “I know you don’t want to put a downer on the hen and the wedding, but talk to me.”

  “I’m fine! Honestly. Just you know … life is tough sometimes.”

  “Aw, hun. You miss Paul, huh?”

  “I guess I do miss him, yeah.” Wow, what a lie. I didn’t miss that cheating, not-good-enough-for-me shit bag any more than I missed the appendix that burst and nearly killed me when I was a kid.

  “You’ll meet someone new soon. I know it.”

  “Thanks, Hannah.” I squeezed her hand. “Paul wasn’t right for me, anyway. I’m fine, honestly.”

  “Oh yeah, definitely. Ed even said to me several times he didn’t like him, didn’t think you were well suited.”

  Really?

  “Really?”

  “Yes. He was right, too. Right, well let’s freshen up and go get something to drink, yeah?”

  She went back to her room and I sat down on the bed for a few minutes, wondering if she suspected how I felt about her husband-to-be. She’d known about every other man I’d had a crush on, it wouldn’t be that weird for her to realise that I liked Ed. And Ed had never liked Paul… That was news. He’d never said that, even when we first broke up, and he’d always made an effort to be nice to him when the four of us got together. Interesting… I shook my head. I couldn’t read anything into this. I’d done way too much analysing already. Ed didn’t like me in that way.

  He loved Hannah. I loved Hannah. They were going to get married. It was all fine. Better than fine. It was super-duper with a cherry on top. />
  I washed my face, brushed my hair, pulled on some new clothes, and went down to meet the others in the hotel bar.

  Hannah had always been a lightweight when it came to alcohol. She was the first to puke, pass out and/or go home at any given celebration. We had some nibbles and champagne, and then a few cocktails, and by 5pm I wasn’t surprised to note that she was already pretty tipsy. I myself was a weird jet-lag combination of very tired and very hungry.

  We were sitting in the hotel bar, with the full-length windows and a panoramic view of the falls. I hadn’t drunk very much; Molly and I had been chatting together while Hannah and the others kept going. I couldn’t stop looking out at the water and Molly had been telling me about her childhood, what Ed was like growing up, and how excited she was for her brother’s wedding. Despite not wanting to hear about Ed, I was grateful for some company other than Hannah’s other friends – they never deliberately excluded me, but I always felt kind of left out around them. It was nice to get to know Molly, even though she was talking about the man I was trying to forget.

  “So what do you do, work-wise?” she asked me, finally changing the subject. I was grateful, and just about to answer when we were interrupted.

  “Mind if we join you, ladies?”

  I looked up to see a group of four guys grinning at us. Two of them were quite cute. My mind flashed to the condoms, still in my bag, and I wondered if I’d drunk more than I had realised after all, as my face flushed red.

  “Sure! Pull up some chairs!” Ruth told them while Hannah started giggling.

  “I’m Mike,” said the tallest. He was American, and seemed to be the leader of the pack. The others pulled up chairs. “This is Charlie, our birthday boy,” he continued and Charlie gave a little wave, “and Billy, say hello.” One of the cute ones smiled at us all and said a friendly ‘Hey’.

  “And Toby,” continued Mike, gesturing to the other cute one.

  “Hi, ladies,” said Toby. He looked like he’d rather not be there.

  “Hannah, bride-to-be, Sally, Molly, Alice,” said Ruth, pointing to each of us. “And I’m Ruth.”

  “You girls in town long?” Billy asked. I let the others answer. The view was spectacular, and cute as he was, I decided I didn’t have the confidence to have a fling with an American. And he surely wasn’t likely to want a fling with me, either. Better to save myself the disappointment.

  Charlie was obviously the clown of the group, and had us all laughing within a few minutes, telling us he had just turned thirty and needed a couple of days away with his pals. They talked about how great the hotel was for a while. I caught Billy’s eye and smiled. On second thoughts, maybe I could do this. I wondered whether getting incredibly drunk and seducing him would help me forget Ed. I took a big swig of my drink and sat back, listening to the more detailed introductions, while keeping an eye on the view of the falls.

  “You like the view, huh?” said a voice close to me. I turned and realised Toby had pulled his chair up beside mine.

  “Who wouldn’t? You’re British?” I asked him, surprised I hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t said a lot, mind you.

  “Yeah. Moved to New York about five years ago.”

  “So you like it there?”

  “Yeah, I do. Where are you from? Sorry, I can’t remember your name.”

  “Alice, and I live in London, in Camden. My dad was from New York, though.”

  “Cool.” He took a sip of his beer.

  There was something nice about his voice; I couldn’t pinpoint what, but I decided he’d make a good radio presenter. I pictured him doing the news, or introducing a song, and wondered if that was his job. I bet the American girls loved his accent.

  “Where are you from?”

  “Cambridge, originally.”

  “And now?”

  “Manhattan.”

  I nodded. “Cool. My aunt lives in Staten Island.”

  “Ah, okay, right,” he nodded.

  An awkward silence descended. Toby stared out at the falls. Giggles were going on behind us. I glanced at my watch. I’d booked us in for dinner at the Skylon Tower – a huge structure overlooking the falls.

  “We’d better go, we’ve got reservations,” I told Hannah. She nodded and stood up. Molly stretched and grabbed her bag. The others looked disappointed to leave their new friends.

  “You guys want to come with us?” Ruth asked them, surprising me. “I mean, if they can fit you in?”

  “Oh yeah, you’re very welcome,” Hannah said with genuine warmth, surprising me even more.

  “It’s a Thursday night, they might not be too busy,” Mike said. Toby shrugged.

  “Let’s go!” Charlie said, draping one arm around Sally, the other around Ruth.

  I decided I’d try and make the most of this; how often did I get to go out for dinner with a man who wasn’t (a) engaged to my friend or (b) my uncle Alan? Answer: very rarely.

  “I love London!” Billy said enthusiastically to me as we left the hotel. The first cute one. I fell into step besides him.

  “You’ve been?” I asked him.

  “Yes, a few years ago. Did all the touristy stuff, you know.”

  “What was your favourite?”

  “Tower Bridge. Just iconic.”

  I nodded. “It is pretty amazing.”

  “You’re so lucky, you can see it every day.”

  “Yes,” I said, wondering when the last time I saw Tower Bridge was. Probably more than a year ago. I really needed to get out more. I was 28, not 88, after all.

  It didn’t take long to reach the Skylon Tower. I stared up at it, wondering how the architect had come up with the idea – a tall, thin structure with a flying saucer on top. The view would be great, but from the ground it wasn’t much to look at. Not that I was looking at it for long, as Billy was still chatting to me and his smiles were much more attractive than the towering building.

  By the time we got to the top, took photos of the view (which was similar to that of the hotel, but still pretty awesome), and then entered the restaurant, I was really hoping they’d be able to extend our table because Billy was rather growing on me. I felt my face grow hot, thinking about what Miranda had said, and the handful of condoms she’d given me, hidden in my bag, waiting for me to whore myself out to the first cute guy I’d meet.

  They weren’t that busy so extra places were no problem, and pretty soon we were all seated. I was sitting between Toby and Billy, the former didn’t say much but the latter chatted idly about London and New York, the differences between our languages, and he asked me lots of questions about my life back home.

  Three hours and a lot of wine later, and I was pretty sure Billy might be my soul mate.

  He had offered to buy all my drinks; a sure sign he knew how to treat a lady. He had held out his hand to help me when I almost tripped, so I knew he was very kind and charming indeed. He was cute; oh, so cute – have I mentioned that already? His short blonde hair was messy, like he couldn’t be bothered to comb it, but I found it rather sexy. He was also really very chatty, making silly jokes that, mixed with the alcohol I’d drunk, were hilarious. We were strolling by the water’s edge, arm in arm, laughing about the spray from the falls, which was whipping in our faces. Hannah, Ruth, and Molly were laughing with Mike, and Sally was practically eating Charlie’s face off in a passionate embrace on a bench seat.

  Toby was leaning against the balustrade on his own, staring out at the water.

  “He’s a bit moody.” I nodded towards him. Billy sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with him, he’s usually more lively. One of the most fun guys I know.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. Lives life to the fullest.”

  I studied him for a minute, wondering what he was thinking. He had dark hair, a bit of stubble and quite a handsome face when he smiled, which didn’t seem to be very often. I tried to imagine him being fun and outgoing, but it contradicted what I’d seen so far.

  He felt my e
yes on him and turned to raise his eyebrows. “Yes?”

  “I was just wondering what you’re thinking.”

  He turned back to look at the water without answering. How rude.

  “You alright?” Billy asked him.

  “I might go back to the hotel, it’s getting late.”

  I wondered if he was upset to miss out on the gambling; I’d heard one of the guys mention that they had been planning on going to a casino before deciding to join us. I considered suggesting it. It wasn’t too late, was it? I had no idea of the time, or what time it was back in the UK. Although, when I thought about how my head was spinning, combined with the overwhelming tiredness from the time difference, maybe gambling wasn’t such a good idea for me. I tried not to giggle. I wasn’t sure what at.

  Toby turned around without another word, and started the walk back. Billy looked surprised but didn’t follow him. We walked a little further, around the top of the falls, leaving the others to their laughter.

  “You want to sit there?” I asked, pointing to a bench facing the water. Billy nodded and we sat down and looked out, and he put his arm around me. The falls were lit up now, a variety of colours shining on them; white, blue, red, yellow… The sound of the water was mesmerising, and there was a very distinct water smell as the mist rose up. I was in such awe, even the cute guy beside me couldn’t distract me from staring out at it.

  “So have you got a boyfriend back home?” he asked, interrupting my bewilderment at the water.

  “Nope.”

  “Scandalous!” he said in a terrible British accent, his arm draping further around my shoulder. “Beautiful woman like you, single!”

  I laughed and shrugged. “I got dumped.”

  “What a jerk.”

  “Yeah, he was, as it turned out.”

  I shivered. “It’s cold,” I said quietly. It was July, but the sun had long gone.

  He squeezed my shoulder tight, and I leaned into him. He was so lovely, I daydreamed for a minute about moving to New York and marrying him. We could have cute little geeky kids that looked just like him, move to the suburbs, and get a dog. Aunt Kerry would be thrilled.

  “You smell pretty good,” I told him.