Unrequited Alice Read online

  Lunch was yum, at an expensive but lovely Italian in town, and we talked about the falls, the boat, Hannah’s wedding, and so on for most of the afternoon. Toby had gone back to being rather silent; I had gone back to wondering what was going on inside his head.

  Billy had resumed his place by my side and so I chatted to him and teased him about missing out on Niagara’s spray.

  We eventually left the restaurant and walked through town in the afternoon, looking at different shops, buying tacky souvenirs, with the guys making everyone laugh. Billy still gave me a lot of attention but I really wanted to talk more to Toby. He had listened to me, and now I wanted to listen to him. I wanted to hear his sad story, hear what was bringing him down, and help him to feel better if I could. But I didn’t know where to start.

  No one was that hungry for dinner so we ate cookies at a little coffee shop, then we found our way into a bar, and drinks started flowing. Billy got caught up in a conversation with Charlie and Sally, and I saw an opportunity. Toby was sitting quietly, not really involved in the chatter, so I got up with my drink, feeling a little more confident than usual from my tipsy buzz, and sat down beside him.

  “You’re quiet,” I told him, unsure how else to start.

  “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been a bit hot and cold.”

  “I’m glad you’ve realised.”

  Some of the others got up to dance, but we remained still, me turning my glass around and around in my hands, Toby watching.

  “So, why are you hot and cold?” I asked, eventually.

  “I don’t know. I like you.”

  My eyes moved from my glass to him. He was smiling at me.

  “I like you too.” Much as I hated to admit it. I did. I liked him. A lot.

  “But I can’t…” He looked away. “I’m just … I’m emotionally unavailable.”

  “What? What does that even mean?”

  “I just can’t … this isn’t ever going to happen.”

  “What isn’t?”

  “You and me. I mean…”

  “Listen, enough with the heavy. We met just yesterday, and on Monday I’m going home to England and you’re going back to New York. So…”

  “So…?”

  “So, it’s okay.”

  “And not to mention you’re in love with your friend’s fiancé.”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “Well, I’m in love with someone else too.”

  Oh. He had a girlfriend? Why did that hurt? Darn it.

  “That’s lovely.” I gulped. “Good for you.”

  “I’m glad we got that sorted.”

  I nodded.

  “Me too.”

  “Do you want another drink?”

  “Yes, please.”

  He got up and walked over to the bar.

  I looked around for the others, but I couldn’t spot them in the crowds.

  Toby returned, smiled at me, and put my drink down.

  “Thank you.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “So…” I was about to ask about his girlfriend, but the others came back, including Billy who sat beside me and squeezed my knee affectionately.

  Everyone was chatting happily now, and Toby fell quiet again. Billy asked about my life back home, and was quite a sweetie, as it turned out. I tried to forget Toby and our almost kiss. Why did I only like men who were already with other women?

  Mike returned from the bar at one point with a bottle of champagne.

  “To Hannah!” he said, and we all raised our glasses. “Congratulations and good luck, hun!”

  We all raised our glasses. Toby caught my eye and gave me a smile. I smiled back, wondering yet again how he’d read me so easily and got me to open up, just like that.

  A few hours later, we were back in the hotel bar. The other girls had all gone up to bed – Sally with Charlie – except for Hannah, who was asleep on my shoulder. Toby, who was being moody again, stared out at the water, sitting away from us by himself, Billy was getting us one last drink at the bar, as Mike told me about his wife.

  “She’s on a spa break with her sister. So I didn’t feel so bad about coming away with the guys.”

  “And have you had a nice weekend?”

  “Yeah, it’s been great. Shame he’s been so low.” He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder towards Toby.

  I nodded. “He’s pretty intense.”

  “Don’t judge him on this weekend. He’s lively and fun usually. My best friend, best guy I know. He’s just had a rough time this past week.”

  “Oh really, that’s a shame.”

  “Yeah.”

  I was desperate for more details. Why? Was it this girl he loved? Was she his girlfriend? Had she dumped him?

  “How did you meet Toby?”

  “We used to work together, we’re both in finance. He arrived from the UK and we just hit it off.”

  Billy came back and sat beside me. I thanked him for the drink. I wondered if he was waiting up until last to ask me back to his room. He had been flirting with me on and off all night. He was nice, but I had decided I wasn’t interested in a one-night fling. I glanced at Toby again and wondered if I’d feel differently if he wanted to spend the night together. But he’d barely spoken to me since our ‘moment’ after getting off the boat, and then of course there was this other woman he’d eluded to.

  Mike told us more about his wife and asked about my life back in the UK while we finished our drinks. I liked him a lot, and enjoyed his chatter, all the while aware that Billy was watching me, and Toby wasn’t looking too happy.

  “So you think we should get this one up to bed?” Mike eventually nodded towards Hannah, slumped in her seat.

  I nudged her. “Han?”

  “Hannah?”

  She stirred. “What time is it?”

  “Gone two. Come on, up to bed.”

  She stood up, looking sleepy. Mike and Billy helped her to the elevator and Toby followed us, without speaking.

  I pressed the button for the sixteenth, and fifteenth for Hannah.

  “Mike and I are on fifteenth too,” Billy told me. “And you’re sixteenth, right, Toby?”

  Toby looked at me and nodded.

  “You okay getting to your room?” I asked Hannah.

  “Yes,” she said sleepily and hugged me.

  “We’ll make sure she’s alright,” Mike promised as the doors opened.

  Billy hesitated. “Good night,” he said, squeezing my arm affectionately as he stepped out.

  “Good night,” I said. They all got out, the doors closing behind them.

  I looked at Toby in the mirror. He was already looking at me. I smiled, wondering yet again what was going on in his head. He gave me a half-smile back. My heart beat a little faster. He didn’t look away.

  The doors pinged and opened. And we walked out, turning in the same direction.

  “What room are you?” I asked.

  “1614. You?”

  “1615. That’s funny, I didn’t realise.”

  We reached his door.

  “Good night, Toby.”

  “Good night, Alice.”

  I took the few paces to my door, and put my card in to open it. Just as I was going in, he put his hand on my shoulder. I turned towards him.

  “What?”

  He leaned forward, kissed me quickly on the lips, and then stepped back.

  “Good night, Alice,” he said again, then turned to his own door, which he was in within seconds. I stood there for a moment, heart racing, and then went into my own room.

  Chapter Four

  Sunday wasn’t so easy for the guys to hang out with us, as I’d arranged to spend the day relaxing at a spa. As I got ready that morning, I couldn’t decide if this was a good or a bad thing. I had a strong desire to spend more time around Toby, despite his mood swings. He was obviously attracted to me, but he was holding back. He said he was in love with someone else, and I assumed he had a girlfriend, but surely he’d have just said as much? Mi
ke had said he’d had a rough week – had she just dumped him? Was he looking for a rebound, but too hung up on her whenever it came to making a move? I wondered if I should’ve made a move myself, but the humiliating prospect of him turning me down had put me off.

  He’d certainly kept my mind off Ed, but I still felt a pang of jealousy and sadness whenever I thought about him standing there, in his suit, looking handsome, marrying Hannah. I was well aware that I hadn’t been the excited bridesmaid I should have been, and felt keen to make it up to her today.

  Then, there was Billy. I knew if I wanted to, I could have had a bit of fun with him, spend a night in his room perhaps, finally put those condoms to use. And maybe that would have been the healthy thing to do, to help me move on. But somehow, it felt like that moment had passed, for me at least.

  Penny, Miranda and I had a group What’s App chat going on, and I’d kept them up to date on events. Miranda told me to just get on with it and shag Billy, have some fun. She thought Toby too intense. Penny said to stop over-thinking all of it, and just have fun with whoever I fancied most.

  I stared at my face in the mirror for a few minutes before leaving my room. I had to get a grip. I was a grown woman, doing fine without a man, with good friends and a job I enjoyed. I wasn’t going to let Ed, or Toby, or Billy, mess with my mind anymore. I’d enjoyed their company, and I could enjoy it some more. It didn’t have to mean anything.

  I opened my door and heard Toby opening his as I stepped out.

  “Good morning.”

  “Morning.”

  We walked towards the elevators.

  “I’m sorry about last night,” he said.

  “Don’t be,” I said quietly.

  “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

  “It’s fine. Maybe your girlfriend wouldn’t think so, but it’s fine.”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “Oh. I just thought…”

  “I’m sorry because I know you and Billy…”

  “There’s no me and Billy,” I said quickly. “We haven’t done anything.”

  “Right. Well, still…”

  We’d reached the lifts. He pressed the button to go down. Was that it? He was holding off because of Billy and me? There was no Billy and me! And what about this girl he loved who wasn’t his girlfriend? I wanted to know more, but now didn’t seem the right time as we only had a few minutes before we saw the others.

  An awkward silence hung over us and for the first time, I didn’t feel so relaxed in his company. There was too much unsaid. How could it be this hard when we’d only known each other a few days?

  The elevator doors opened and we stepped inside. I caught his eye in the mirror and we smiled at each other. I relaxed just a little.

  “You hungry?” he asked.

  “Starving.”

  “Me too.”

  “I think I’m going to get those pancakes Charlie had yesterday, they looked pretty good.”

  “Ooh yes, good plan, me too.”

  My mouth salivated at the thought. I needed carbs and stodge to soak up the alcohol that felt as if it was still swirling around in my stomach.

  We were the first to breakfast, and ordered our pancakes as soon as we sat down.

  “So you’ve got the spa today?”

  “Yes. What are you guys doing?”

  “Not sure. Tomorrow we’ve got a zip line thing booked.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, not sure I want to go. I’ve done it before, it made me dizzy.”

  “I wouldn’t want to do it either, sounds scary. I hate that sort of thing.”

  “Good morning, lovelies!” Sally and Charlie arrived, hand in hand. I wondered what they were going to do when we all had to part on Monday; from what Hannah told me, Sally had a habit of getting serious with men very quickly.

  “I’m going to miss you today,” Charlie told her as they sat down. She kissed him on the cheek and picked up the breakfast menu.

  Toby glanced at me and rolled his eyes. I smiled, but realised with a little surprise that I was going to miss Toby, too.

  Soon, the rest of the gang joined us, full of smiles and talk about the night before. Billy sat down next to me, and gave me a warm smile.

  “Did you want to have dinner with me tonight?” he asked me.

  I felt Toby’s eyes on me, and tried to resist looking at him.

  “We’re having a girls’ night,” I told Billy. “We’re going to a spa and then dinner.”

  “I don’t mind if you guys want to come along for dinner again,” Hannah chipped in. “Maybe you could take us to a casino?”

  Everyone was in agreement. I was glad to know I’d see Toby again later, and equally glad I hadn’t ended up one-to-one with Billy. He was sweet and I’d enjoyed flirting with him on the first night, but I had enough going on in my head between Ed’s upcoming wedding, and now Toby and the confused feelings he had ignited.

  Oh my word, the spa was beautiful. Warm bubbly Jacuzzis, pore-cleansing steam rooms, and a very hot sauna. There were fresh flowers and a sweet smell everywhere we went. Fresh fruit and smoothies were freely available. We wandered around in fluffy white robes, chatting and finally getting the girly time Hannah had asked for. It was relaxing, and wonderful, and everything we could possibly want.

  The main topic of the day was Ed. Sally and Ruth had prepared a quiz for us all, which we did while relaxing by the pool. Mostly questions about Ed and Hannah’s relationship, which got some giggles, but inside I was just being reminded again and again of his existence back in the real world, and that the wedding was fast approaching. He was going to marry her and I had to get over it. Yet, the closer the wedding got, the more I felt for him. Why was that?

  Hannah re-told us the story of how they met and fell in love. By lunchtime, I thought I might be sick.

  “You okay? You’re quiet?” Ruth asked me.

  “Not feeling so great,” I told them. It wasn’t really a lie.

  “Aw,” Hannah said, putting her arm around me, “we’ll relax some more this afternoon, that’ll make you feel better.”

  I was the worst bridesmaid ever.

  “So tell us all about Charlie,” I asked Sally, trying to change the subject.

  “Oh he’s so much fun! I’m worn out though, he has me up all night.”

  Everyone giggled.

  “You want my condom stash?” I joked.

  “Nah, he’s got plenty,” she said, winking at me.

  “How’s things going with Billy?” Ruth asked me.

  They all turned to look at me.

  I shrugged. “Not really into him, to be honest.”

  “I thought you might like Toby,” Molly said, nudging me with her elbow.

  I shrugged. “He’s cute,” I admitted.

  “Isn’t Mike hilarious?” Hannah said, and they all nodded in agreement and started re-capping things he’d said.

  In the afternoon we had massages, manicures, pedicures, and then our hair and make-up done for what had originally been a big girls’ night out, now just a big night out, men included. But I didn’t mind; despite the intense conversation and the ups and downs, I was looking forward to seeing Toby again.

  We got ready together in Hannah’s room, zipping up each other’s dresses and drinking champagne. Hannah had a gorgeous red dress that she’d worn to her engagement party, and the others looked equally stunning. I wore my teal floor-length dress that I’d worn to a party for Paul’s parents, and which hadn’t seen the light of day since. I noticed it felt a little tighter; too much junk food from Miranda and Penny’s takeaway additions. I made a mental note to start working out when I got home.

  Sally and Charlie had found and booked us a fancy restaurant in town, and at 7 p.m. we met the guys in the hotel lobby. Charlie swept Sally into a huge embrace and swung her around, telling her she was gorgeous and he’d missed her. They set off for the doors, hand in hand.

  Ruth linked her arm through Billy’s. He looked su
rprised and glanced at me, I just smiled back, happy for her to take his attention away from me. The others all paired off, leaving the lobby chatting together, with me and Toby to tag along at the back.

  “You look beautiful,” he told me, falling into step beside me as we followed the others out of the hotel. “Stunning, in fact.”

  “Thank you,” I replied, feeling my face flush. “You scrub up pretty well yourself.”

  He was wearing a suit with a black tie; quite different than his usual jeans, t-shirt and hoody get up.

  “Charlie told us about this restaurant before we even booked the flights. He said we needed to get dressed up and have a guys’ night out.”

  “This was supposed to be our girls’ night too,” I told him. “But I don’t mind.”

  “So how was the spa?”

  “Lovely.”

  “And…? I sense there’s something else you want to say?”

  We were walking quite slowly, and the others were well out of earshot.

  “It just bought me back to my feelings about Ed. Everyone was talking about him and Hannah a lot, and it just…”

  “Made you feel crap? Low? Jealous?”

  “Yes. All those things.”

  “You remember the girl I told you about, that I’m in love with?”

  “Of course.”

  How could I forget?

  “Whenever I find myself thinking of her, I just picture her looking really gross. Like covered in maggots, or dog shit, or something. It helps.”

  “Aversion therapy?”

  “Yep.”

  I laughed. “OK, I’ll do that.”

  I pictured Ed covered in maggots. Hmm, not quite so appealing. Maybe this could work.

  We arrived at the restaurant, and it looked nice but expensive, and I wondered how much of a hit my credit card was going to take. Three cocktails in, I didn’t care so much.

  The food was amazing, the drinks kept flowing, and there was a lot of laughter around the table. I couldn’t remember when I’d had such a fun night out; it’d been a while. Toby was by my side and we fell into easy conversation.

  We soon moved on to a bar. More drinks. And then a whole lot of dancing. To my surprise, Toby had rhythm. The rest of the world, including our other friends, seemed to fade away, and I felt as if we were the only two people there. He didn’t take his eyes off me as we moved to the music, my heart was pounding. The chemistry between us was electric.