Unrequited Alice Page 3

  “Thanks. My ex-girlfriend bought me this aftershave.”

  “How long ago did you break up?”

  “About six months. She said I wasn’t marriage material.”

  “Oh yes you are!” I said, sitting up again and looking at him.

  He laughed. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yes. And don’t let her convince you otherwise.”

  “Well, she wasn’t for me, anyway. I wasn’t about to propose.”

  “Good, you’re better off without her then.”

  He laughed. “You’re sweet.”

  “You’re sweet too,” I told him. “Definitely marriage material.”

  He laughed and shrugged. “Maybe I am.”

  We sat together for a few minutes before Mike called us back over, and everyone headed up to the hotel. I had a one-minute internal debate about whether to invite Billy back to my room or not. It wasn’t my style, but why shouldn’t I have some fun? Still, I wasn’t sure I was drunk enough for a stranger to see me naked and I was becoming more exhausted with every step. Anyway, it was Thursday. We were here until Monday. I had plenty of time for that, should I want it. Right now, I was extremely jet-lagged and just wanted to sleep.

  “Thanks for an amazing day today,” Hannah told me as we walked through the lobby. She was quite giddy and had to lean onto me for support.

  “You’re welcome,” I told her. “More to come tomorrow.”

  “What’re you ladies doing tomorrow?” Mike asked while we were waiting for the elevator.

  “The boat trip,” I told them, which I’d pre-booked.

  “Us too, what time?”

  “Eleven.”

  “No way! Us too!”

  Oh. Well, at least I could flirt with Billy some more. Hannah seemed pleased, so we agreed to meet them in the morning for breakfast.

  As the elevator rode up, stopping each time one of our group needed to get out, I just stared in the mirror, smiling at Billy. He smiled back. He really was so cute.

  He gave me a quick good night kiss on the cheek before getting out on the fifteenth floor, along with Hannah and Mike.

  When I got to my floor, I had to think about what room number I was, which was really hard for a few moments. How much had I drunk? And I was so, so tired. What time was it back home? I had no idea. I meandered down the hall until I remembered my room number and found my door. I laid down on the bed in my clothes and listened to the water of Niagara cascading endlessly. Tomorrow, I wanted to flirt with Billy some more. I wanted to do whatever it took to get Ed out of my head.

  Chapter Three

  I woke up early the following morning and, despite a slight headache, pulled the curtains open to look once again at amazing Niagara Falls. The sun had risen behind them, casting an astonishing light. I found my camera and took some photos.

  I wondered how long these falls had been here. Long before my time, and they’d be here long after I was gone, too. The thought made me feel calm, somehow. The water would still be crashing down, even when Hannah was married to Ed, and even when I was old and grey and living alone as a crazy cat lady, wondering where it had all gone wrong.

  Mind you, I liked cats. What would be wrong with that? There were worse things to happen. I could be quite content, I decided.

  Of course, we saw the guys at breakfast. I was pretty sure that we’d be spending time with them for the rest of the trip; Sally and Charlie had spent the night together and were behaving like love’s young dream. Hannah and Ruth thought Mike was hilarious, and even Molly seemed to be enjoying their company.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t like the guys, in fact I really, really liked Billy, it just wasn’t how I’d pictured this ‘girly’ weekend turning out. Still, it was nice to be greeted by a handsome man when I sat down for my scrambled eggs.

  “Coffee?” Billy asked, pouring me some before I answered.

  “Thanks,” I told him, taking a sip. The others were all talking about the falls and the impending boat trip and I picked at my food wondering why my head still ached. Oh yes, all the wine. And the cocktails.

  I felt eyes on me and looked across the table to see Toby looking at me. I smiled and he looked away without smiling back. What was this guy’s problem?

  “So did you sleep well?” Billy asked me, tucking into his bacon.

  “Yes, really well, but I woke up super early. Still on British time, I guess.”

  Billy nodded. “You looking forward to the boat trip today?”

  “Can’t wait. How about you?”

  “Yeah, it should be good. I’m a little scared of the water though. Can’t swim.”

  “I’ll save you, if you fall in.”

  He laughed. “Thanks.”

  I glanced back at Toby, who was moving his eggs around his plate with his fork, much the same way I was. I wondered yet again what he was thinking about.

  We left the hotel quite a merry bunch, the others still finding Mike and Charlie the funniest, most charming men they’d ever met. Billy held out his arm and I linked mine through his, and Mr Moody, Toby, tagged along, quiet as ever. We walked along the wide promenade on the edge of the gorge that the falls were cascading into. We stopped in several places to take about a hundred photos each – some of the falls, some of trees with the falls in the background, others of us as a group, and a fair amount of selfies for Hannah’s other friends. Hannah herself was laughing a lot and talking about how beautiful the view was from every angle, and I was glad she was having a good time; that was why we were here, after all.

  Charlie and Sally were messing about, running around and tagging each other and I turned away from them all to gaze out once again at the water cascading down over Horseshoe Falls. I leaned against the balustrade and watched the mist rising up to the sky. No matter how much I looked at it, I still wanted to look at it some more.

  I took quite a few more photos, playing around with different angles, not sure how any would turn out but knowing I could never take enough.

  “I’m sorry if I’ve been a little rude,” Toby said, surprising me. I didn’t realise he was standing by me. I turned to look at him. He really was very handsome, with dark hair, grey eyes and, I realised, quite a bit of stubble – almost a thin beard. I saw a sadness in his eyes that made me soften a little towards him.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I said. “We all have off days.”

  “You like taking photos?”

  I shrugged. “I’ve always wanted it to be a bit of a hobby. My uncle lent me this camera for the trip. He said I should have a play around with it.”

  “Look at those people,” he said, pointing to one of the boats. “They’re getting soaked.”

  The boat went into the mists of the falls and I grinned. I couldn’t wait to get out there. “It looks amazing.”

  I turned to point it out to Hannah and the others and realised they’d carried on walking, even Billy, leaving us a little behind. We started to follow them.

  “So how do you know Hannah?”

  “Oh, we were friends as kids. We went to school together.”

  “You don’t seem to chat with the others as much.”

  “No.”

  “Why is that?”

  I turned to look at him.

  “Why ask?”

  He shrugged. “I’m curious.”

  I felt myself frown and looked back at the water. Weirdo.

  “They’re just … you know, girly girls.”

  “And you’re not a girl?”

  I looked back at him again and he was grinning at me. He really was very good-looking when he smiled. I relented.

  “They’re all into their designer heels and manicures and shopping … I’m more into reading books and puzzle games. Call me boring, if you like.”

  He smiled again.

  “What’s boring about caring more about a book, than your looks?”

  There was something intriguing about him, something that made me want to get to know him better. But then I remembered his mood swin
gs and changed my mind.

  We were closer to the American side now, and had a great view of the water tumbling over, relentlessly gushing down, creating a booming roar. I stopped and took my camera out to take another photo.

  I glanced at Toby, he was staring at the view with a thoughtful expression.

  “So why were you so quiet last night?” I asked him.

  “Just got some personal stuff going on. My brain’s a little foggy.”

  I nodded. Another awkward silence. I wanted to ask questions, to offer to listen, but wasn’t sure he’d talk. He seemed the deep and meaningful type, but why would he open up to me? I looked ahead and saw the others had reached the steps down to the boats. Billy was watching us, waiting for me.

  I put my camera in my bag and we hurried to catch up with the others.

  “We’re a bit early, ladies, shall we grab a coffee? There’s a place just across the street?” Mike suggested. Everyone nodded.

  “I’m gonna wait here,” I told them.

  “You okay?” Hannah asked me.

  “Fine, I could just do with some fresh air, and I’d like to take more photos.”

  “Okay. See you in half an hour?”

  “Sure, I’ll be around here.”

  Hannah looked worried but turned and followed the others. Billy gave me a warm smile but also joined the group. I leant against the balustrade, and took another photo.

  “So are you excited about the wedding?” Toby made me jump.

  “You didn’t want coffee?”

  “I had plenty with breakfast. And I prefer to enjoy the view.”

  “Me too.”

  I held my camera up and took a photo of a tree, with the Falls in the background.

  “So?”

  “What?”

  “Are you excited about Hannah’s wedding?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “You just … I don’t know. I’ve got a vibe, that’s all.”

  “You’re pretty intuitive.”

  “Guess so.”

  “I’m really happy for Hannah, I just … I don’t know…”

  “Tell me about her fiancé.”

  “Ed is … well, he’s a great guy. Really lovely, funny, and smart.”

  “But..?”

  I shrugged.

  “There must be something about him you don’t like, if you’re not quite behind the wedding.”

  “No, he’s great. He’ll make an amazing husband.”

  He nodded.

  “So you’re in love with him?”

  I turned from the water to look at him. His eye brows were raised, but he wasn’t smiling.

  “No!”

  “You sure?”

  “No. I … he’s … I like him. A lot. Maybe I’ve got a tiny crush, but… Oh wow, why am I telling you this? I’ve never told anyone this.” I gave a nervous laugh and turned away, I didn’t dare look at him, my eyes were filling with water. I kept looking at the falls, which kept running over and crashing down, just like they always had and always would.

  “I’m a pretty good listener.”

  “I’m sure you are, but I hardly know you.”

  “Maybe it’d help?”

  “What do you want me to say?” I asked, my voice sounding almost hysterical. I looked at him again, taking in his face. He had a kind expression and I relaxed a little.

  “What good would it do, to talk about it?”

  “Sorry, I just thought maybe it’d make you feel better.”

  Would it make me feel better? I had no idea.

  “Would talking about it ease the pain of knowing the man I love doesn’t love me back? That he is in love with my oldest friend instead? That I’ll never, ever get to be with him? I think talking about it would just make me cry. And I don’t like to cry.”

  I was standing, facing him now, my voice louder than I’d intended, my camera in one hand. The look of sadness and sympathy on his face made me feel embarrassed and I felt my face heat up.

  “I’m sorry, I just thought you might like to talk about him, get it off your chest.”

  “Ed is amazing. Happy now? He’s amazing. But he’s in love with Hannah. And I don’t wish it were me instead of her, because she’s happy, and I want her to be happy!”

  My eyes were full of tears now and as I blinked, a single drop fell and ran down my cheek. Toby put his thumb on it and rubbed it away gently. His touch made me catch my breath.

  “But you’re unhappy…”

  I shrugged. “Not unhappy. Just … sad.”

  He nodded and just looked at me. I looked right back, trying to read his mind again.

  “I’ve no idea why I told you all that,” I said. I rubbed my eyes carefully. “Have I smudged my mascara?”

  “No.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Unrequited love sucks,” he said.

  “It sure does.”

  “But you know what, you determine your own happiness.”

  He squeezed my hand for just a second and I felt a little current pass between us. I looked at him for a moment longer, wondering how a practical stranger could have made me open up about this so easily.

  I forced my eyes away to the falls and we looked out in silence for a little while.

  “The others are coming back,” he said, smiling warmly. “Take a deep breath, you’re going to be fine.”

  I did as he said, breathing deeply. Somehow, I felt relieved.

  “Alice!” Hannah called. “Come on!”

  I followed Toby, and we re-joined the others at the top of the steps that led to the boats. We walked down, everyone chatting happily while I digested what had just happened. Part of me wanted to stay away from Toby, to not let myself open up like that ever again. The other part wanted to get him alone and pour my heart out.

  Billy handed me a red poncho and I followed the others by putting it on. I pulled protective mobile phone cases out of my bag and passed them to each of the girls, who hung them around their necks and inserted their phones, ready for the endless selfies and snaps of the falls up close. Ruth mentioned how I really had thought of everything and I smiled at her, proud of my forward planning.

  The boat was busy, not packed but enough people to fill the sides. It was a calm, cool day and I went to the edge and put my hands on the railings.

  “Thank you for this,” Hannah said, passing by me to the end of the boat. She looked out on her own for a few minutes at the American Falls, crashing with their never-ending force. The others went over to her. I wanted to join in, but I also just wanted to be alone, to take this in peacefully somehow. I knew I ought to be laughing and joking and playing the chief bridesmaid role, but something held me back.

  “I’m not great with boats, I’m going inside,” Billy told me with a nervous voice. I watched him go into the cabin.

  The boat started off, and we moved closer to the American Falls. The breeze picked up, whipping our ponchos up and around us. The girls were screaming and taking photos. I closed my eyes and felt the mist spray over my face.

  “It’s quite exhilarating when you get to the Horseshoe Falls,” Toby said beside me. How did he keep sneaking up on me like that?

  I opened my eyes. We were moving away now, towards the mighty Horseshoe on the Canadian side.

  “You’ve done this before?”

  “Yeah, a few years back.”

  The boat surged a little and I put my hand on him to steady myself. His arms felt strong.

  “Sorry.”

  He smiled. “No, that’s fine.”

  I put my hand back on the railing.

  We moved closer to the Horseshoe Falls, the spray picking up, and the boat rocking. The girls screamed and Charlie and Mike very happily held on to them, taking selfies and laughing. Toby and I stood side by side, staring out as a cloud of white sprayed over us and the boat turned and rocked from the force of the water. Our hoods flew off and we were covered in Niagara’s
mist. I turned to look at Toby and he grinned at me. I grinned back, feeling the water dripping from my nose.

  “It’s like the best water ride ever!” I yelled over the roar of the falls.

  “I know! Exhilarating, huh?” he yelled back.

  All too soon, the boat was heading back. Hannah put her arm around me.

  “Amazing, simply amazing. Thank you, my lovely friend. That was wonderful.”

  I hugged her. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  “Brilliant, just bloody brilliant.”

  Dripping wet, but still buzzing from the thrill and grinning from ear to ear, I was the last one off the boat. Toby waited for me, while the others marched off to the gift shop, and I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or not. Wasn’t Billy the one I’d been flirting with last night? He’d looked a bit green and had rushed off the boat first, keen to get a glass of water or throw up, I wasn’t sure which.

  “Amazing, huh?”

  “Better than any rollercoaster.”

  “You’ve got some hair,” he said, reaching out to touch my face, “sticking out just here.”

  He pushed the hair behind my ear and looked at me, and for a moment I thought he might kiss me. Did I want him to? There was something about his man; like he could see me, see into my soul. Yes. Yes, I did want him to kiss me, I realised.

  He hovered for a moment longer, looking me in the eyes and we had a moment; something passed between us. Then he suddenly shook his head, turned on his heel and marched off into the gift shop, leaving me confused about what had just happened.

  I slowly followed him through the door, where everyone was buying souvenirs of their trip.

  Despite the ponchos, we were all drenched so decided to walk back to the hotel, our shoes squelching. We agreed to change and meet for lunch. It was just kind of a given now that the guys would be joining us and I decided I didn’t mind. Hannah and the others seemed to be enjoying their company, and I certainly felt drawn to Toby, although I wasn’t sure why. Billy didn’t seem to be feeling well, still, and didn’t talk to me at all on the walk back.

  Sally and Charlie were acting like a couple in love, always touching and kissing. Molly and Ruth were fast becoming best buds and Hannah seemed to be getting on really well with Mike, the only married one of the group. I heard him telling her all about his own wedding day, and he mentioned that Toby had been his best man.